the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs