So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
I'm going to Hell for sure
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed