Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
