it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
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His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
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How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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