i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
