Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
