hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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