Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm getting married
To pizza
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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