you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
