grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
