She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
