Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
