how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
