she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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