Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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