No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
