Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
