6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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