I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
