Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
