You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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