She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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