I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just cut my nipple shaving
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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