Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
