you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize