end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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