So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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