it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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