that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
