life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
