She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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