you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
