My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
