Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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