My liver just broke up with me...
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
