i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He felt like a one man threesome
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He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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