What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
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