Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
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do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
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She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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