we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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