you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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