there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
