too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
