once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
