You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
