I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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