How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
