Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
