I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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