If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
