Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
