This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
