Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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