Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
