he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
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she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
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tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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