I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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