Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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