My first STD was from a foam party
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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