i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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