Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
