I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
