Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
