my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
