omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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