he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
