I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
