My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
