Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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