who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
