my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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