Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
