we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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