I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
