I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
