hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
