I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
That was before I lit my hair on fire
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
