I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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