They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
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I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
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Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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