There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
