oh god the rape fog is back!
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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