one two three fourrrrnication!
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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