This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
