Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
