I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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